I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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