I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
