Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
