just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
