im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
