Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
