So drunk its hurt
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
