Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize