I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
