I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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