i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize