he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
