I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
