I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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