OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
