The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
