I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
