wrigley field is MILF paradise
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
pop tarts are not kleenex
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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