tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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