God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
