After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
