He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize