Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
