I wish my penis had an off switch
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
