I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
