The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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