you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
