Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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