you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
