This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize