you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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