I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
