Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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