You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
