That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
