Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize