Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
