my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
