How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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