I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
