i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
