i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
