turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
