we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
