So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You left your phone here
Wait...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
