plz talk dirty to me
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
