2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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