things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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