Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I hate all girls vehemently.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
