I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize