508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
