There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
