piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
