so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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