I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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