I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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