stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
