Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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