I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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