Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
