i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
