It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
high people should be assigned attendants
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
