In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
