someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
