dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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