margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
