your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
PANTIES FOUND
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