I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Pants are for mortals
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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