I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
