An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
