six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize