Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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