i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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