happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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