Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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