just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
